Schrute Space

I purchased the Scranton Business Park less than two years ago, and in that time, I turned ordinary into freaking extraordinary.

Remember when the lobby was just a place to enter? Every time I'd pass through, I'd shake my head and whisper, "Unbelievable," or sometimes, "Lame." But now, that once blah lobby is home to Caffeine Corner, the greatest cafe in Scranton. People like Kelly have referred to it as "kickasscular," which I believe is quite good.

And let's not forget about Sesame Avenue Daycare on the first floor. Seriously, don't forget about it. We've got zero clients, and it's hurting Mose's feelings. And more recently, I opened up Dwight Schrute's Gym for Muscles. It's a temple to the human body, and the exercise will help lengthen your life and improve your mood, not to mention boost your sex drive. Yowza!

What do I want in exchange for morphing this building into a luxurious landmark? Nothing more than increased productivity, complete and utter respect, and for you to bow down and kiss my hand and/or shoes when I enter the room.

Can you look forward to more fantastic upgrades in the future? If I feel like it. Now get back to work.

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Thank you all for attending the Andrew Baines Bernard garden party held on the grounds of the exquisite Schrute Farms, in the center of the root vegetable district.  With over 20 guests, a historical-themed ice sculpture and a little courtly dancing, it was a tremendous success.  Lamentably, I understand a few bad apples are claiming that Mose may have scratched your vehicles.  Now let's not get carried away.  Phyllis we all know you drive with both feet, and Jim you drive like a girl.  I can assure you any nicks were there previous to parking with us.  There have also been allegations of light food poisoning from the finger sandwiches.  That's not poisoning, that's more likely your polluted stomachs rejecting food depraved of saturated fat and artificial ingredients.  I'm not McDonald's.  

Again, thank you so much for your presence.  The enthusiastic turnout illustrates your desire for ritzy parties held on local beet soil, and I want you to be the first to know that Schrute Farms is now available for all of your high-end event hosting needs.  Please reply to my email blast, or stop by my desk any time between 1:00-1:17PM on Wednesdays to discuss.

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